Kirkby FC 4–3 Mancunia FC: a masterclass in collapsing

Kirkby FC managed a 4-3 victory over Mancunia FC on Wednesday 5 August, a result that mostly serves to prove that defending is an optional extra in this league.

Look, I’ll be straight with you: for the first forty minutes, Mancunia looked like they were playing a different sport. Lourens Buisma-Veld gave Kirkby a 15th-minute lead, but that lasted exactly sixty seconds. Donizete Balduíno equalised in the 16th, and from there Mancunia just decided to take over. Floro Tedín made it 2-1 in the 30th, followed by Aurélien Levavasseur in the 41st. It was the kind of dominant display that usually precedes a catastrophic collapse, and Mancunia obliged.

So here's the thing: Buisma-Veld scored again in the 45th, a goal that essentially told the Mancunia dressing room that the game wasn't actually over. The vibes shifted instantly. Armin Reck levelled the score in the 47th, and then Solomon Trent put Kirkby 4-3 up in the 54th. Honestly, I reckon Mancunia just forgot they were winning.

“Kirkby FC managed a 4-3 victory over Mancunia FC on Wednesday 5 August, a result that mostly serves to prove that defending is an optional extra in this league.”

The final third of the match was less of a contest and more of a slow slide into oblivion for Mancunia. Balduíno, who had started the day by scoring, ended it by seeing red in the 75th. It was a straight red that left them with ten men for the final fifteen minutes. They then managed to lose another man in the 90th when Winfried Höcherl-Krenn picked up a second yellow. To finish a game with nine men is one thing, but to do it while clinging to a one-goal deficit is just typical, really.

Kirkby, who started the day sitting in 19th place and looking generally out of sorts, will take the three points and a bit of confidence. Mancunia will likely spend the next few hours wondering where it all went wrong. There is very little time to reset, as both sides head straight into Matchday 12 tomorrow.